If I can't love her
by aries-chica56
Summary: First songfic, Erik's last thoughts. PG13 rating for suicide. Please R&R.


A/N: This is my first attempt at a songfic. The song is originally from Beauty and the Beast Broadway, "If I can't love her." I am warning you that this isn't fluff. It is sad. It's PG-13 for suicide.

Disclaimer: Don't own the Phantom of the Opera or Beauty and the Beast.

* * *

He stepped closer to the edge of the dock and stared into the shimmering water. He had nothing to live for anymore. Christine was gone. She had left her ring and shattered his heart. She had been his only source of happiness. He could have given her everything in the world and yet she couldn't give him the only thing he asked in return, a little affection or love. Was it so wrong? Was he not allowed to feel such emotions? Did he not deserve it?

_And in my twisted face, there's not the slightest trace  
Of anything that even hints at kindness.  
And from my tortured shape, no comfort, no escape.  
I see, but deep within is utter blindness._

Erik stood there thinking of the first time he had lead Christine down the passage to his cave-like dwelling of a home. The time when she pulled away his mask, his only source of protection from the world and the look of horror that befell her eyes. She, like so many before her, had tried to escape the sight, by looking away. Oh, how could she have been different? Coming from a perfect world full of beauty and love. How could he expect her to understand his hideousness and loneliness?

_Hopeless as my dream dies, as the time flies, love a lost illusion.  
Helpless, unforgiven, cold and driven to this sad conclusion._

'Oh how she must hate me? Oh Christine…' He thought miserably. Erik thought of the life Christine probably lead at that very moment. She would be getting married soon to the man she truly loved, the Vicomte de Chagny. Her social status would be high and her husband could buy her everything she ever wanted. She no longer needed him in any form.

_No beauty could move me, no goodness improve me.  
No power on earth, if I can't love her.  
No passion could reach me, no lesson could teach me  
How I could have loved her and make her love me, too.  
If I can't love her, then who?_

"I could have given her the moon and the stars, if she wished it." Why did God hate him so? Why was he denied everything? He would give up everything that had ever meant anything to him, just to see her one more time. No one had ever loved him. His own mother had always put distance between them. He had wanted to be close to her, yet she would run away to her room and shut the door for comfort. Now, the only woman that he believed could learn to love him, left his lair with another man. His hopes of ever finding love had now been utterly destroyed.

_Long ago I should have seen all the things I could have been.  
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward!_

He cursed himself for allowing him to get so weak. The effect that this woman had on him was great, and he could not control it. How did it get to this? How had this become be? He was now wanted in all of Paris for murder of Buquet and Piangi. He had done it all for her, no one else and after all that she left him forever.

_No pain could be deeper, no life could be cheaper.  
No point anymore, if I can't love her!  
No spirit could win me, no hope left within me;  
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free!_

Christine was his last hope of ever becoming a normal man. Of having a normal life, of a wife, of a family or a proper home. But none of these could come to be now. She would be someone else's wife and they would raise their own children. What was left for him? Nothing! Nothing but darkness and cruelty. That's all he had ever received.

_But it's not to be.  
If I can't love her, let the world be done with me._

He took the plunge into the freezing cold water, all hopes of fled from him. There was surely no point to his life anymore. What was the point of living without her? After all, this is what she wanted, did she not? She wanted to be free of him forever. He will fulfill her one last wish.

The next day, Christine picked up the newspaper, only to read the headlines "Erik is dead" in big bold letters. She fell apart and was later found lifeless with slit wrists.

* * *

A/N: This was so different than something I would write but I dunno I just found the right song for it and I just let it all go. I was in the mood for something dark and tragic, so I wrote it. Life is not all fluff unfortunately. Anyways please read and review. 


End file.
